Living In Spite Of...

What do you do when you have a heart full of love and no one able to receive it in all of its power and intention? The passion, the elation, the satisfying of the insatiable that reciprocal love can give. Drink, cry, and touch yourself to sleep.

Janet Jackson

I Get Lonely

The Velvet Rope

I get so lonely.
Can't let just anybody hold me.
You are the one that lives in me, my dear.
Want no one but you

Sittin here with my tears.
All alone with my fears.
I'm wonderin if I have to do without'cha
...but there's no reason why.
I feel asleep late last night.
Cryin like a newborn child.
Holdin myself close, pretendin my arms are yours.
I want no one but you

I get so lonely.
Can't let just anybody hold me.
You are the one that lives in me, my dear.
Want no one but you

I still remember to the day.
In fact is was a 3rd Monday, you came along to be the one for me.
Now I'm alone.
Sittin here by the phone, call and say that you're okay.
So that I'll have the chance to beg you to stay.
I want no one but you

I get so lonely.
Can't let just anybody hold me.
You are the one that lives in me, my dear.
Want no one but you
(repeat 4x)

Gonna break it down
break it down, break it down.
Gonna break it down
break it down, break it down

You know, that I know.
That I get so lonely thinking of you. . .

Chorus

Evolving into a better man has been sort of an isolating process. I am in a moment right now where I am extemly guarded with how I give my feelings and who I give them to. I have been learning to create a balanced line between communicating my thoughts and how I feel honestly with not saying too much and giving everything away.

Being open to what life has in store is amazing. I look forward to being in romantic love again. This song is the truest sentiment of what love can be. The biggest love can be expressed in the simplest of ways. A flower, a gentle touch, and affectionate glance across a room, and an endearing kiss. You just have to believe it is possible for two hearts to decide to beat together as one, understand the work involved, and not be afraid.

Among the many extraordinary things life has to offer us, love is among one of the MOST extraordinary. Stevie I think is on that list somewhere too. ;o) Listen to lyrics. Let them move you.

Stevie Wonder
Send One Your Love
The Secret Life of Plants

Send her your love
With a dozen roses
Make sure that she knows it
With a flower from your heart

Show him your love
Don't hold back your feelings
You don't need a reason
When it's straight from the heart

I've heard so many say that the days of romance are no more
And people falling in love is so old fashioned
But waiting are they the day they once let slip away
Hiding need to fulfill their heart's desire for love's passion

Send her your love
With a dozen roses
Make sure that she knows it
With a flower from your heart

Show him your love
Don't hold back your feelings
You don't need a reason
When it's straight from the heart

I know that people say two hearts beating as one is unreal
And can only happen in make believe stories
But so blind they all must be that they cannot believe what they see
For around us are miracles of love's glory

Show him your love
Don't hold back your feelings
You don't need a reason
When it's coming from the heart

I have begun a remarkable journey towards being a phenomenal man. A man able to love unconditionally, freely, and openly. Up until recently I had no clue about what love is. I had to lose it, have it for myself, and then go back to it's original source to get it back. I am blessed to know who loves me but I am honored that God continues to love me. His love never changes. Enjoy Ledisi y'all.

S.B.

Ledisi
Love Never Changes
Turn Me Loose

If I could, change my world things would be the same
There would still be love and pain
Cos’ without it I would never change.
If I took back, (if I took back) all the love that (made me cry)
Would I ever realize, that I’m growing from mistakes
(that I’ve made), to make me (change)…

Unison: Love, it will never go
Love, even when you go, it never leaves
Love never changes… Love

Harmony: Love, it will never go
Love, even when you go, it never leaves
Love never changes… Love

That’s why I know-ow-ow-ow, all of this is clear to me
Love is for eternity, that’s the way God wanted it to be.
So I’ve learned,
Time don’t stay still it moves fast – (oou, oou, oou, oou)
Nothing stays the same but love last – (oou, oou, oou)
And I can’t keep living in the past, I gotta change

Unison: Love, it will never go
Love, even when you go, it never leaves
Love never changes… Love

Harmony: Love, it will never go
Love, even when you go, it never leaves
Love never changes… Love

Love never changes, love won’t leave
Love never changes, you have to believe – in it’s love
Love never changes, love …
Love never changes, love never leaves
Love is so graceful, you gotta believe – in it’s (love, love, love)
Love never changes, love …(it never change)

Harmony: Love, it will never go
Love, even when you go, it never leaves
Love never changes… Love

2010 is officially here, and I couldn't be happier! 2009 was filled with a lot of hurt and pain for myself and a lot of people in my life. I think all around it was just a difficult year for everyone. The economy, home owners, President Obama, the music industry (passing off yodeling as talent and ignoring The Voice and Princess Jackson? Not a good look Def Jam). Anyway, good riddance 2009! I came out a better man for all the pain. This is not everything I learned but some of the important things. Theses are in no paticular order.

1. People who say how they truly feel ONLY when they've had liqour and then act aloof because they don't want to talk about it irritate the fuck out of me.

2. I look pretty good 1st thing in the morning

3. Love is many things, but Love never changes 1 Corinthians 13:1-8, 13

4. Forgiveness is key to moving on, forgiveness of yourself is essential!

5. I deserve good in my life all around. I will no longer waste my energy, love, and friendship on people who won't return it and those who don't see me as I am.

6. Family doesn't always have to be blood

7. Protect your own soul and spirit before you protect someone else's

8. Me Time....PRICELESS!

9. I have more to offer people and the world than I have ever dreamed or imagined

10. I have music in my soul and my soul is beautiful

As I am trying to build my support system, I'm finding that it is a lonely process. You hang out with people less, you dial back communication, and sometimes you just delete them out of your life altogether.

Although I miss love (that's what I'll call it) infinitely, I don't mind being alone, it's just the feelings that creep in that causes the lonliess. That and ultimately the fact that I do want a mate, a partner in life, love, spiritiuality, and lust eventually. I pray for the strength daily to continue becoming better. Today was just a sad and lonely one.

You know that if no one else loves you...I do. Nite.

SB

on pins and needles I sit
hopeful that I'll be noticed

the holding pattern I've put myself in continuously circles round
alone, but willing to start over

eager for a new life to take shape
nothing more to be said or explained

but words unspoken seem to echo the loudest
I realize that I too am a good man and a prize to be had

spiritual, devoted, true, and loving
sensual, giving, protecting, and open

silly me for hoping and then expecting
take care of me has never rung more true

never again will I deny my self worth
my penance is paid, I'll prove myself no more

amazing the power loving you from the inside out holds
I have embraced my soul and spirit, nurture and protect them I shall

lessons learned, tears cried, spirit restored
my love, time, and friendship wasted on those unwilling and not wanting no longer